I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
