I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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