the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize