I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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