How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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