Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
