Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
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