I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
