Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
