Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
