Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
