HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
