My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
