Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
