nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize