ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
