I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
And then my night got REAL pukey
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
