I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
oh god the rape fog is back!
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
