I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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