yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You ruined the universe
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
