This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
