I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
