walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
