it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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