just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
