Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
