well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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