life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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