just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
