tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
