Already got asked if we're dating
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
