so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
