see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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