why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
