dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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