so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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