Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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