I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
