Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
