My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
