omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
