the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
