how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
