I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
