O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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