I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
