You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Acid is not a monday night drug
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
