Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Ketchup is God's man juice
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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