I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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