Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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