Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
