Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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