Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
