I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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