dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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