You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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