Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
