No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She needs sedatives and a leash
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
