Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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