we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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