Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
