Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
