I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
