Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I lost the right to judge tonight
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
