when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
