You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
