just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
