my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
