their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
