Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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