Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
