The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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