i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
