She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
