Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
