Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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