please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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