Old men and throwing up are my life now.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
