I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
