ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
