ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
