The maid of honor just puked.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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