Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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