worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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