Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
