hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
