she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
