my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
