Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
