my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
