Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
