I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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