Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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