his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
