You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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