When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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