im about as happy as oj after his trial
he shaved USA in his pubs
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
