If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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