I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize