I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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